My Grandmothers Home

Just wanted to say well done, I loved this poem. I chose it because I got a real sense of being taken to a place and I could feel your love and respect for this semi-detached cottage with its yellow window sills and old style brown door. There was something really cute about it all. And I think there was just a feeling that some of the lines could be a little bit shorter because it does feel like there’s a cumulative effect. So the first line adds meaning to the second, and the second adds meaning to the third, and it all adds up to something at the end which is a place to forget your troubles, my paradise. And I would suggest Peter the pig rolling around, you hit enter there, and the next line begins in the mud. You could even hit enter again ‘in the small paddocks.’ That’s always something to think about with a poem, how long do you want your lines to be. Do you want consistency in your line length or would you like the poem to be a bit more free it itself, a bit of free verse. I think there is something to be said for playing around with what can happen if you start to break lines in to smaller sections. You start to see new opportunities for emphasis like ‘Peter the pig, and hit enter there, then it becomes about the alliteration of the pig, the ‘p’s in Peter and pig. Or ‘in the mud’ *enter, ‘in the small paddocks’, it’s almost like there is suspense there. So at the end of a line, if you hit enter, what you’re doing is creating a cliff edge from where you can jump off in to new meanings or take a new direction, so that’s always something to think of. But well done, it’s a really great poem, nice job Erin.