The Pact
His arms tired of lifting,
“That’s seven, three more!”
Even through heavy breathing,
He could still hear his mate’s roar
As he put back up the weights,
His friend recited their pact,
“So let’s get one thing straight,
Don’t you dare ever hold back”
One hundred and sixty nine,
a new PR for his squat,
All that weight on his spine,
ended in a snap, a crack and a pop
By the medics he was lifted,
His only thought was their pact,
He should not have listened,
He should have held back
He festered greed like a fool,
he knew even years later,
“How could I have been such a tool?”
as he wheeled round in his chair
Even years later, all he could think about was that same pact,
“So let’s get one thing straight, don’t you dare ever hold back”
By Brendan Pretorius
Just wanted to give you some feedback on your great poem which came in untitled but a poem about a pact really. And I thought it was brilliant because sometimes writing is about bringing up something that nobody talks about and in this it’s the cost of the success of this masculine pursuit of weightlifting, you know.
Really nice, a very disciplined poem and I loved there was really nice quatrains, very nicely rhymed, weights with straight, packed with back, nine with spines, squat and pop I think were my favourites cos you are just playing with assonance as well. You did a great job with the lines and finishing with a really strong couplet. But the subject matter was what really got to me because again it has a long timeframe in it; it’s starting off with this person who is doing a lot of weights and then is pushed over the edge by a friend and the long term consequences, even years later, all he could think about was that same pact. ‘So lets get one thing straight, don’t you dare ever hold back.’ The choice of those last lines, the importance of, it’s kind of ambiguous, let’s get one thing straight don’t you ever dare hold back’, its said at the end with great irony I thought. It reminded me a little bit of The men are weeping in the gym a famous poem from Andrew McMillan where he says the men’s hearts have grown too big for their chests and their chests have grown too big for their shirts, they are dressed like kids who have forgotten their games kit. It’s just like the peer pressure that goes on in the gym and how it can push people over the edge. I think you have struck gold with this poem in a very tightly, very disciplined well constructed poem that addresses a serious issue, the pressure that someone is under to succeed in the gym. Well done Brendan.